In last week’s blog post, I talked about creating a 7 Minute Life connection’s list. The people on that list are people with whom you intentionally seek to build connections. This list is an absolute must for building a productive and meaningful lif
e. That said, an enormous number of life connections are unanticipated. Even many pivotal relationships seem to come at us out of the blue. Spouses, bosses, employees, important clients and lifelong best friends are often first encountered in “chance” meetings.
I have found having significant “chance” encounters isn’t entirely out of our control. Some people seem to be people magnets. They have a constantly expanding network of relationships — they aren’t simply lucky. These people possess certain mindsets and skill sets that help them rapidly and consistently build meaningful bonds. You can be one of those people. Here are some mindsets to rapidly build your chance encounter connections.
Every encounter could be significant
You never know who might be an absolutely vital connection, so constantly engage people. In last week’s post, I mentioned that my daughter, Ruth, recently got to meet pop-music icon Nick Jonas while she was in New York City. She went to New York on a school trip with her high school photography program. She discovered that Nick Jonas would be starring in the musical they were going to see, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. From that moment forward Ruth declared that she would meet Nick Jonas while in New York.
She and her classmates attended the musical and then stood among hundreds of teen girls hoping to get a glimpse of Nick as he exited the building after the show. My daughter at one point was asked by a police officer to stay on the sidewalk. She was standing on the edge of the street because the sidewalk was crammed with people. She complied until the officer was out of sight and then stepped back off of the curb. He caught her a few minutes later and, long story short, this began a playful cat and mouse game between the officer and my daughter of “can he catch me off of the curb”. It truly was playful and became an ongoing source of banter between the officer and my daughter. He got to know her and she got to know him during the long wait to see Nick.
My Daughter with The Officer Who Helped Her Meet Nick Jonas
Unfortunately, seeing Nick that night fizzled out. However, because of the connection my daughter made with the officer, he told her and her friends that if they would come back the next evening at 11 and ask for him, he would make sure that they were placed at the front of the line. He did so and the next evening she got to meet Nick Jonas, say a few words to him, and give him a hug. She even asked “Big Mike”, Nick’s bodyguard, to take a picture of her and her friends with Nick and he did. It was a dream come true and it all happened because of a connection built with one of New York’s finest who happened to be working crowd control that evening. You just never know who will make a difference.
To some degree I think Ruth did what she did because she has watched her daddy, me, making connections with people everywhere we go. As a pastor, I am in the people business. Wherever we go I am connecting with people. For example, I am playful and engaging with almost every waiter or waitress we have. When we sit down, I will joke with our servers and often times tell them, “We’re going to be the best table you have tonight.” And, we work to be that table. Grateful, fun, and engaging. It’s amazing the reciprocity this results in.
Application experiment: Next time you are in a restaurant, engage your server or waitress, find out their name and use it. Try to be the best table they have all day. Make their day and see how it changes your meal experience.
Value each person you meet.
Recently, I missed a flight because I was stuck for over an hour in traffic caused by an accident. Once I got to the airport and established who I was and that I had missed my flight, I immediately told the women at the ticket counter, “I am going to be your lowest maintenance problem customer today. Whatever you can do to help me, I will be happy with.” She flew into action to find another flight. As pieces fell into place, I lauded her as “the best” repeatedly. At one point, she got on the phone to another airport that was blocking the booking of my connecting flight because the connection time available was just under the alotted time. She convinced them to waive the required time. I promised I would run like the wind and started stretching like I was about to enter a race. She laughed and made it happen.
It’s amazing what people will do for you if you just let them know that you believe they are awesome and doing their best. I do have to say this though — you have to mean it. I genuinely wanted this women to realize that I knew she was trying her hardest to work out my problem and that I was truly grateful for whatever she could do. Disingenuous flattery is typically of limited value. You have to smile at the world in a big sincere smile and it will almost always smile back.
Application experiment:Say thank you to everyone who does something today for you. Praise them for what they do and make them feel as if they are the very best.
Have an insatiable curiosity about people.
When you meet people, make it your goal to get to know as much about them as you can. A powerful connection is made when someone feels that they are truly understood by another person. My daughter had friends over recently and after the perfunctory questions of, what grade are you in, how do you like band, and blah, blah, blah, I asked one of them. “So Hayley, what’s the essence of Hayley?” Her eyebrow raised up and she looked at me a bit questioningly, so I went on, “You know…what’s something really unique about you? Something that’s just part of who you are, that makes Hayley…well…Hayley?” She finally said, “I like elephants” and when she did she lit up. “Really,” I replied, “Do you collect them?” and so began a conversation about elephants that lasted probably another 10 minutes and she at that point was completely and utterly engaged. It opened up the door to how she was always doing awkward things and having embarrassing moments and a host of other things that seldom come out in conversations.
Now when I see Hayley, I am not just Ruth’s dad who gets a polite “hello”. When she sees me, I get a big hug and we play catch up. Many of my children’s friends consider themselves to be bonus sons and daughters. Why? I think it boils down to genuine curiosity. People love being understood, seen and accepted. I try to understand what makes each one of them tick and then I try to honor that.
How well do you know your employees or clients? Do you know their families, fears, hopes, eccentric habits, etc.? Do you know what they love to do in their time off, how they feel about what’s going on in the news? Do you know their opinions?
>Application Experiment: Next time you have a conversation with someone, try to learn something new about her you never knew before, something you never would have expected was true about her?
Let me sum all of this up with just two things:
First, the old adage “People don’t care what you know, until they know that you care” is so true. Keep that in mind with everyone you encounter.
Second, every connection may eventually be a vital connection so handle each one with care. Life connections are coming your way every minute. You can’t necessarily always control when and where they will happen. You can, however, expect them and greet them with value and curiosity. Doing so will ramp up not only the number but the depth of your relationships.
Have an awesome week and be the best version of yourself you can be,
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In last week’s blog post, I talked about creating a 7 Minute Life connection’s list. The people on that list are people with whom you intentionally seek to build connections. This list is an absolute must for building a productive and meaningful life. That said, an enormous number of life connections are unanticipated. Even many pivotal relationships seem to come at us out of the blue. Spouses, bosses, employees, important clients and lifelong best friends are often first encountered in “chance” meetings.
I have found having significant “chance” encounters isn’t entirely out of our control. Some people seem to be people magnets. They have a constantly expanding network of relationships — they aren’t simply lucky. These people possess certain mindsets and skill sets that help them rapidly and consistently build meaningful bonds. You can be one of those people. Here are some mindsets to rapidly build your chance encounter connections.
Every encounter could be significant
You never know who might be an absolutely vital connection, so constantly engage people. In last week’s post, I mentioned that my daughter, Ruth, recently got to meet pop-music icon Nick Jonas while she was in New York City. She went to New York on a school trip with her high school photography program. She discovered that Nick Jonas would be starring in the musical they were going to see, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. From that moment forward Ruth declared that she would meet Nick Jonas while in New York.
She and her classmates attended the musical and then stood among hundreds of teen girls hoping to get a glimpse of Nick as he exited the building after the show. My daughter at one point was asked by a police officer to stay on the sidewalk. She was standing on the edge of the street because the sidewalk was crammed with people. She complied until the officer was out of sight and then stepped back off of the curb. He caught her a few minutes later and, long story short, this began a playful cat and mouse game between the officer and my daughter of “can he catch me off of the curb”. It truly was playful and became an ongoing source of banter between the officer and my daughter. He got to know her and she got to know him during the long wait to see Nick.
My Daughter with The Officer Who Helped Her Meet Nick JonasUnfortunately, seeing Nick that night fizzled out. However, because of the connection my daughter made with the officer, he told her and her friends that if they would come back the next evening at 11 and ask for him, he would make sure that they were placed at the front of the line. He did so and the next evening she got to meet Nick Jonas, say a few words to him, and give him a hug. She even asked “Big Mike”, Nick’s bodyguard, to take a picture of her and her friends with Nick and he did. It was a dream come true and it all happened because of a connection built with one of New York’s finest who happened to be working crowd control that evening. You just never know who will make a difference.
To some degree I think Ruth did what she did because she has watched her daddy, me, making connections with people everywhere we go. As a pastor, I am in the people business. Wherever we go I am connecting with people. For example, I am playful and engaging with almost every waiter or waitress we have. When we sit down, I will joke with our servers and often times tell them, “We’re going to be the best table you have tonight.” And, we work to be that table. Grateful, fun, and engaging. It’s amazing the reciprocity this results in.
Application experiment: Next time you are in a restaurant, engage your server or waitress, find out their name and use it. Try to be the best table they have all day. Make their day and see how it changes your meal experience.
Value each person you meet.
Recently, I missed a flight because I was stuck for over an hour in traffic caused by an accident. Once I got to the airport and established who I was and that I had missed my flight, I immediately told the women at the ticket counter, “I am going to be your lowest maintenance problem customer today. Whatever you can do to help me, I will be happy with.” She flew into action to find another flight. As pieces fell into place, I lauded her as “the best” repeatedly. At one point, she got on the phone to another airport that was blocking the booking of my connecting flight because the connection time available was just under the alotted time. She convinced them to waive the required time. I promised I would run like the wind and started stretching like I was about to enter a race. She laughed and made it happen.
It’s amazing what people will do for you if you just let them know that you believe they are awesome and doing their best. I do have to say this though — you have to mean it. I genuinely wanted this women to realize that I knew she was trying her hardest to work out my problem and that I was truly grateful for whatever she could do. Disingenuous flattery is typically of limited value. You have to smile at the world in a big sincere smile and it will almost always smile back.
Application experiment:Say thank you to everyone who does something today for you. Praise them for what they do and make them feel as if they are the very best.
Have an insatiable curiosity about people.
When you meet people, make it your goal to get to know as much about them as you can. A powerful connection is made when someone feels that they are truly understood by another person. My daughter had friends over recently and after the perfunctory questions of, what grade are you in, how do you like band, and blah, blah, blah, I asked one of them. “So Hayley, what’s the essence of Hayley?” Her eyebrow raised up and she looked at me a bit questioningly, so I went on, “You know…what’s something really unique about you? Something that’s just part of who you are, that makes Hayley…well…Hayley?” She finally said, “I like elephants” and when she did she lit up. “Really,” I replied, “Do you collect them?” and so began a conversation about elephants that lasted probably another 10 minutes and she at that point was completely and utterly engaged. It opened up the door to how she was always doing awkward things and having embarrassing moments and a host of other things that seldom come out in conversations.
Now when I see Hayley, I am not just Ruth’s dad who gets a polite “hello”. When she sees me, I get a big hug and we play catch up. Many of my children’s friends consider themselves to be bonus sons and daughters. Why? I think it boils down to genuine curiosity. People love being understood, seen and accepted. I try to understand what makes each one of them tick and then I try to honor that.
How well do you know your employees or clients? Do you know their families, fears, hopes, eccentric habits, etc.? Do you know what they love to do in their time off, how they feel about what’s going on in the news? Do you know their opinions?
>Application Experiment: Next time you have a conversation with someone, try to learn something new about her you never knew before, something you never would have expected was true about her?
Let me sum all of this up with just two things:
First, the old adage “People don’t care what you know, until they know that you care” is so true. Keep that in mind with everyone you encounter.
Second, every connection may eventually be a vital connection so handle each one with care. Life connections are coming your way every minute. You can’t necessarily always control when and where they will happen. You can, however, expect them and greet them with value and curiosity. Doing so will ramp up not only the number but the depth of your relationships.
Have an awesome week and be the best version of yourself you can be,
John Arnold
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